Bella on Anatomy

Before I had Wees I was one of those people who was never going to do so many things as a parent. You see my future Wees were going to come out of the womb perfect. Little child rearing was actually going to be needed, and I was never going to be flummoxed, at a loss for words or frustrated. Life was going to be like a mix between a Norman Rockwell painting and a 1950's Coco-Cola commercial - all technicolor and flawless. Then something happened - my first pregnancy test came out positive and all my plans of grandeur went by the wayside.

A particularly strong pre-Wee stance I took was that I would never use baby talk. No ridiculous words for using the bathroom, no made up code phrases for disciplining or warning children and above all no imaginary body part descriptors. As the following incident highlights - clearly I have abandoned my position on all of these fronts.

Because we lived in an almost all female world (dad was the only rooster in the hen house) before the birth of Wee 4 my girl Wees thought they had the nuances of life figured out - especially biology and anatomy. They (especially Wee 2) figured everyone looked the same, every where. After all dad has two ears, two eyes, two legs - what would possibly be different about boy Wees and girl Wees?

Now that Reid is five months old and the girls have seen 100s of diaper changes they are very aware that some things are definitely different and now they are trying to process those differences in their age appropriate ways. It seemed we had laid the matter of biological differences to rest when after much thought Bella decided that boys had "tinkle sprayers" and girls had "squatta majigs" and that these differences in private areas were due to gender preferences on how one uses the toilet. It never occurred to her that the reality was spurred for opposite reasons - but I had no plans of stirring up a hornet's nest. An additional benefit of this made up nomenclature was that if they began talking about their bodies in potentially embarrassing situations - say in the line at the deli or while dropping off the dry cleaning - no one around us knew what they were talking about.

Something interesting happened yesterday though. Wee 4 needed his diaper changed (again) and I asked Bella to bring me a new diaper. This she did and than she waited around to see if anything exciting was going to happen. She once caught him peeing on me when he was only a few days old and has been hoping for a repeat ever since.

While I changed Reid, the following exchange occurred.

Bella: What is that?

Mom: What is what?

Bella: That thing below Reid's tinklesprayer. What is that?

Mom: His bottom Bella, you have one too.

Bella: Mom - not his bottom - that other thing, I don't have one.

Mom: Oooh, that thing.

Enter a pause here. As a more experienced parent I have discovered the miracle of the PAUSE. Never rush to fill empty space, whether its during a PTA call for volunteers or a child asking those hard to answer questions. Take a pause - in most cases it will resolve itself without your intervention.

As I sat back and tried to think of just how much I wanted to tell my four year old about the differences between boys and girls and Heavenly Father's divine injunction to go forth and be fruitful, she interrupted me and the conversation continued.

Bella: Reid has a little brain down there. It looks just like the brain we saw in Victoria's Science book.

Mom: Ummm, Bella that is not a brain.

Bella: Yes, it is. It looks like a little brain - is this why boys are always saying they are smarter than girls? Because they have an extra brain down there?

Mom: No, Bella it is not a brain. Boys are not smarter than girls.

Bella: Are you trying to not hurt my feelings? I am going to go and tell Victoria about this.

So as I washed my hands and redressed my son, my two daughters carried on a furtive conversation about biological gender inequity. I had decided I would have to be upfront with them and have a conversation I had been hoping to put off for a little longer when Bella came back in the room with a big smile on her face.

Mom: Is everything okay Bella?

Bella: Yup, Victoria says boys don't use that other brain so we are still even.

It is with a huge sigh of relief and only a bit of sheepishness that I say that I let it go at that.

A bit brainless,

CarrieAnne

Bella on Reverence

In Weeland it is our custom to attempt to be grateful for what we have and part of that is offering thanks through prayer. We pray before meals, before bedtime and before we read our scriptures. We encourage the Wees to pray when they need guidance or when something wonderful has happened. Because we speak positively about prayer there is much not so positive posturing over who gets to say which prayer and when.

As the heart and soul of most religious actions is to avoid contention, we created a system in which the Wees are each given an opportunity to lead the prayer equally. Much like the electoral college it seldom reflects the will of the constituency, but it attempts to keep chaos from breaking out each time we break bread.

As is taught in our faith, it is not only praying often which is important, but how one prays is critical too. We have been teaching the Wees about reverence - though Heavenly Father is always listening I have a feeling he is tempted to be less attentive when one is jumping on a trampoline, playing a Ninetendo DS or doing the hooky poky during prayer.

We begin each prayer by reminding the Wees to fold their arms, bow their heads and close their eyes. Wee 2 has a really difficult time with that last part. As the mother, I of course retain peeking privileges to make sure the Wees are doing what they should and I am fairly sure I have never peeked when Bella's eyes were actually closed.

Having her eyes open is really not that serious, what is of concern is how distracted she becomes when they are opened. A prayer to bless dinner all of the sudden becomes a National Geographic narration on the squirrels mating in the trees out the window or her voice simply drifts off into nothingness mid-thought as her eyes are reminded of the dessert on the cake plate.

Attempting to get to the bottom of why she won't shut her peepers I asked Bella why that was so difficult for her. Her response "I don't like closing my eyes, because it is dark when your eyes are closed"

Hmmm ... that's true and for a 5 year old I can get the whole fear of the dark thing. I then pointed out that when she sleeps her eyes are closed.

Bella then looked at me with a shocked expression and queried, "Mommy, why do you think I hate going to bed? I don't like the dark part of going to bed so that is way I need stories, songs and as you say ANOTHER DRINK OF WATER?!"

After this enlightening exchange Bella and I set a new goal for reverence during prayer. I let her know she could keep her eyes opened if she could stay focused. Early poll results show her improving in sitting still and being quiet, but it appears she is now afraid to blink.

A wee bit penitent,

CarrieAnne

Bella on Animal Activity

Primarily due to the insane bags under my eyes and the groggy manner in which I trudge through daily activities, the three older Wees have begun to notice something is up with my normal sleep pattern. It probably doesn't help that I may have on occasion (perhaps only in passing) become irritable and very grumpy because of sleep deprivation. It turns out that all those boasts in college really were boasts - you do need sleep to survive and not burn the house down.

In a recent discussion on why Wee 4 does not sleep the other Wees offered several observations and suggestions. Wee 3 who has just entered what we refer to as the "spanking zone" (an age in which the occasional spanking is safe and perhaps even healthy - if it prevents them from endangering themselves or others in the future) suggested you guessed it - we spank him and see if he learns from it. Obviously we aren't spanking our infant and I of course did go over the reasons why we spank again - it is not recreational, or a method for mommy to work out, etc.

Wee 1 thought we should run a study to evaluate what environmental factors might be contributing to his refusal to sleep. She suggested it could be too much talking on the part of older Wees, perhaps he had an upset stomach or maybe it was global warming. We tried out those factors we could control (nothing helped!) and then sent her bigger concerns on environmental issues to the UN. We are still waiting for a response.

Wee 2 was quiet for most of this conversation. I could tell her wheels were really churning overtime. Then when everyone else was silent she offered up her pearl of wisdom, "Mom, Reid is a turtle."

My response - "No, honey, though it seems he has a hard emotional shell - it is only because he is a baby and can't talk to you yet, he really loves you - look he is drooling in agreement."

Feeling proud that I extinguished the early flames of a potential sibling rivalry, I began to rise from the table. Bella interrupted my movements and said, "No, mom Reid is a turtle - it is not his fault he can't sleep at night - that's what turtles do. The rest of us are diurnal. We are awake during the day and sleep at night. He is just a different kind of animal. We shouldn't try to change him - lets just love him at night."

After assuring Bella that what she meant was "nocturnal" (heaven knows how she pronounced diurnal right, when nocturnal through her for a loop) I decided she was right. Eventually our turtle will flip over to a normal schedule, so for now I am relying on lots of Coco-Cola and trying to be a little less crabby in the mornings.

Enjoying the wee hours,

CarrieAnne

Bella on Spelling

Because Wee 2 does not prescribe to the normal laws which govern science, society, or culture of any kind spelling can be a bit of a tricky subject for her. A Wee that believes the sun is shiny because it is made of pixy dust and sparklers can't be expected to understand silent letters after all.

To counteract the affect of her belief system and make it easier on her kindergarten teacher we practice a list of 100 sight words each day on flash cards. We do it in about 30 minutes and are pretty excited when her "I know it" pile is bigger than her "where did that word come from" pile.

Many of the words (especially the shorter articles and pronouns, numbers, and things which have to do with princesses) Wee 2 knows immediately. Others she works out through a complicated system of "Bella Logic".

Here are a few examples of when it worked:

1. "There"

Wee 2's Thought process: If you take away the "r" you get "The" with an extra "e" so mom it's "There" (I have no idea how she got the right answer from that)

2. "Yellow"

Wee 2's Thought process: I know that it is a color word, because those are the longest words we have on our list, I don't like green, and purple is my favorite color, but if it was purple that would be too easy so mom it is "yellow".

3. "Look"

Wee 2's Thought process: I hate this word I ALWAYS get it wrong. Wait a minute, what's that word I can never remember - oh yeah - I can never remember "onto" or "look" - this word has 4 letters in it, it must be "look" (I did not have the heart to tell her that "onto" also has 4 letters in it)

Here are a few examples of when Bella logic failed to meet muster:

1. "Down"

Wee 2 stares blankly at the card so I suggest she should sound it out. She comes up with "ddddoooowwwwweeee" and asks "Mom, is it "owe" after you say "duh"?

2. "Here"

Wee 2's thought process: "I see the word "he" in this bigger word, but there are no boys in the house right now - so mom is it the word "she?"

3. "Make"

Wee 2's thought process: "ake" that's the same sound as in rake, cake, and make. Cake is my favorite food to eat - is it "cake" mom?

We are still hoping she can cure cancer or reach the moon without knowing how to read most of the words in the English language.

Hooked on phonics doesn't work for Wees,

CarrieAnne

Bella on Bathing

After lunch today Bella choose to use some of her free time to watch PBS kids. When the thrill of Arthur and Word Girl had worn off she came in search of me. It always makes me feel a bit bad, because Wee 2 always looks simply delighted to see me, while some of the time when I see her (say when I am trying to use the restroom, or finish a delicate task) I'm thinking - crud free time is up.

As is her custom however, Bella flashed her 100 watt smile and gave me a big squeeze. These hugs normally last quite a while, and only end when I manage to extricate myself with a slippery kung-fu move or I employ outside assistance like the jaws of life. This morming however, Bella's hug was a case of immediate catch and release. I am not sure, but the hug may have been more like a flinch that involved two people.

Stunned I asked Bella what the matter was. She scrunched up her nose at me and said "Mommy your're stinky."

Now no one likes to hear that kind of talk, but before telling Bella that it was rude to be mean I reflected on why I might be stinky.

The following inner monologue took place:


1. When did I take my last shower - hmmm can't remember.


2. Maybe its my clothing? Well my left and right shoulders are covered in spit up - and I don't quite know what is on my sleeve. It also smells a bit iffy.


3. Did I put on deodorant today? Possibly, but highly unlikely as I have yet to actually have my arms baby free for a moment to do so.


4. Did I brush my teeth today? (enter running tongue over teeth here) Definitely not - teeth sweaters are in full swing.

I decided the appropriate response was the truth: "Yup, Bella mommy is definitely stinky."

Bella's reply "How come you get to be stinky, but we have to take a shower everyday?"

Mommy's reply, "Well, getting a daily shower is kinda like talking to unicorns and fairies, it is a heck of a lot easier to do when you are little."

Wee 2 digested that for a moment and because my answer included fairies and unicorns it came across as highly likely and favorable.

Later in the day when Wee 3 and Wee 4 fell asleep at the same time, an occurrence much like a BOGO on Ghirardelli chocolate or Date Night - something which occurs rarely but must be savored when it happens, I took the luxury of taking a bath. Because I was so keen on getting in the bath without anyone waking up I used the girl's bath room which didn't contain any Parent owned product.

When Bella later walked in on me in the tub to make sure I was still her mom and still in the house she noticed my using the baby's night time baby bath for soap. Her eyes lit up and she said "Mom, that cures crabbiness - Aunt Lisa said so - You should always use that kind of soap!"

Moral of the story number 1: Get a good lock on your bath room door and an intercom system installed so you can communicate with the kids while in the tub if you have to.

Moral of the story number 2: If you actually get to see a unicorn or do something equally exceptional (say take a bath in the middle of the day) just let the unknowing comments of your Wees roll of your bubbled back.

A wee bit sweeter smelling,

CarrieAnne